Alchemical Communication
Intimate and significant relationships are the cornerstone to our lives. Effective communication is the essential glue that creates genuine connection. One-on-one authentic exchange with others is fundamental to how we feel about ourselves as well us how others feel about us. Loneliness isn't about the absence of people, but rather about the absence of authentic connection! Research is showing there is an increasing breakdown in communication between the genders and marriage and the dating game has become a quagmire of disappointment, rejection, helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness. Addiction (including porn), suicide, infidelity or incel (involuntary celibacy), sexism, misogyny, toxic masculinity , misandry (hatred or fear of men), and other maladaptive attitudes and behaviours are on the rise. Resilience and effective coping and communication strategies are declining. AI, virtual reality and social media has made things worse, rather than better, for many. Research has shown we become the 5 people we hang out with most often. It is all about an energy exchange. Sometimes it is loving, nourishing and healthy…. But sometimes it is depleting, diminishing and unhealthy. The conversations we have with ourselves cast spells - words are made up of letters (spelling) and whether we say them aloud or whether they are internal conversations they create the expectations and ultimately the outcomes we experience in our lives. We live in a traumatised and hurt society, and as we know too, HURT people, hurt others - the cycle of abuse is real. The feelings of alienation and disempowerment post Covid are wreaking havoc on relationships and intimacy.
​
It is not what we say or do (despite our best intentions) but rather, HOW WE LEAVE PEOPLE FEELING. This is where things get complicated...
The conscious and unconscious power plays that happen during our interactions and transactions with others and the world at large, fundamentally affect our view of ourselves, as well as our world view and place in the world. Most of our B.S. (belief systems which unconsciously direct our lives) and sense of belonging (and safety/security) are formed from our earliest relationships, and experiences of the world. So much of life is about your how we are connected to others. We see ourself reflected in the eyes of another (others) and provide a mirror to those we interact with. The experiences and interactions we have often mirror our belief systems (as our previous experiences lead to beliefs and expectations). Our communication is thus alchemical, thoughts get wings and we create words (spelling)... these words cast spells which transmute and transform our relationships and reality through the reflections and ripples they send out into the universe.
Who we "vibe with" or align with depends on so much more than the words we choose to use. Our words account for only 7% of the communication, the tone of our voice accounts for 38% and the rest id body language (much of which is unconscious (and being unconsciously interpreted by those we communicate with).
Observe yourself in the context of interactions and communication and decide who it is you are, and who it is you want to be. The quality of our lives is only as good as the quality of the relationships we keep.
​
​Some of the most important ingredients of ALCHEMICAL COMMUNICATION:
-
Building Rapport and mirroring
-
Active listening
-
Learning Unconditional positive regard and kindness as a default.
-
How to express romantic interest whilst leaving the other person feeling safe
-
Being Authentic and speaking your truth
-
Getting your message across
-
Conflict resolution
-
Identifying and clarifying any misunderstandings
-
How to identify and debunk belief systems (around things like gender norms, roles and traits)
-
Building rejection resilience and effective coping skills
-
Effective Closing
L I S T E N
before you think (assume)
L: LOOK interested, be interested
I: INVOLVE yourself by responding to what you hear
S: make sure you STAY on target in the "here & now"
T: TEST your understanding
E: EVALUATE the message, with empathy & compassion
N: NEUTRALISE your judgement
T H I N K
before you speak...
T: is it TRUE?
H: is it HELPFUL?
I: is it INSPIRING?
N: is it NECESSARY?
K: is it KIND?
Services
Effective Communication is essential for finding genuine connection and avoiding misunderstandings
Individual Counselling
Do you find yourself awkward , shy and tongue tied, are you are struggling to make friends, influence people, interview for jobs, build relationships and networks, socially interact and transact or do public speaking? Together we will look at your self-talk, beliefs and fears and help you let go of the self -limiting thoughts and behaviours which prevent you from finding connection and effectively getting your message across.
Couples Counselling
Has the spark left your intimate partnership or marriage? Is there a breakdown in communication and intimacy? Are you both invested and capable of having those difficult conversations? Are you both effective at conflict resolution and 'splatter' management?
With me mediating, together we will discover the beliefs, attitudes, (expectations) and patterns that sabotage the growth and your fulfilment in your intimate relationship.
Family Dynamics counselling
Are there struggles with co-parenting or parenting styles. Is the generation gap feeling unbridgeable. Are your children acting out? Is yours, a "broken" home?
Let me mediate and help everyone find their authentic voice and express themselves in a safe space. Let me help you to learn effective communication and conflict resolution. Let's explore the underlying inter-generational belief systems and expectations that led to the breakdown or challenges in communication.
The Dating and Mating Game
Are you struggling to make meaningful intimate relationships. Is meeting people awkward and asking them out terrifying?. Do you fear rejection? Do you lack skill, ease and social grace around the other gender? Are you Incel (involuntarily celibate) and unable to find a romantic partner?
You could come for individual counselling (as above) or join the Meet & Greet group where we explore the quagmire of beliefs, social norms and gender roles, relationship patterns etc that are all part of the dating game. Together we'll discover more effective communication styles, coping strategies and develop rejection resilience. We'll explore the stories we tell ourselves about romance. We are, after all, a self-fulfilling prophecy, and we become the story we tell ourselves most often. And we will share our exploits, the drama, the tragedy, the comedy and we will LAUGH and learn not to take ourselves (or the dating game) so seriously!
